Lars Gilmore

A lamp in the corner suddenly went out.
Across from Brian sat Jessica biting her lip.
He wasn't going to leave her,
not yet,
and it worked both ways.

Without knowing why he had said that their loneliness was the home they were living in.

This was ten minutes ago and desperate for a metaphor to explain he asked, "Do you remember Lars?"

Lars from college who died,
Lars with his failing pig heart.

He, Sarah and Scott had talked about going to Europe and two months after the party they did.
Constanly drunk and with Lars on a payphone they came back to the hostel with Lars already in bed, shaking to keep warm.

But this was before Europe, it was before Scott had to call for an ambulance in a foreign country.

Pale and skinny he got together with this girl at the Trash Bag-party.
From the other side of the room Scott had called him Heart Jerky and gave him the thumbs up.
What Scott remembered about him was that he never said much and when he did he said too much.
With a hand under the black plastic he frowned and gave him the finger.
So fucking childish.

And yes, Jessica remembered him.

When they came back from Berlin Lars tried to apologize and Sarah had to laugh.
The punchline would arrive two weeks later.

A calm face against the yellow rug of his apartment.

Jessica asked him what this has to do with anything?

The lamp came back on and in his mind this made perfect sense.

What the Trash Bag-party girl later told Scott was that Lars stopped taking his meds when they started dating
The pills that had made him sick, because a sick body won't reject even the weakest heart.
It's simple biology he said, she said and she was sorry.

Back home, While taking of his tie after the funeral he started crying.
He banged the walls and called him a stupid fuck.

After that he didn't remember.

Scott now knew that this simile wouldn't work, he said "Nothing" and they went to bed.